Comments on: Welcome!

By: Chiron613

Chiron613 — Sun, 21 Oct 2007 05:49:01 +0000

I had a similar experience, but milder. I hadn’t made such a commitment of time and energy. Leaving wasn’t as difficult for me. Still, I understand some of the pain and anger that can be stirred up when such injustice is committed, especially in the name of something good.

I found for myself that the way to find peace after this experience was to let go completely — shake the dust from my sandals, and let go altogether. That included not seeking “justice”, an apology, an explanation, or anything else from these folks. Just letting it go, forgiving as well as I could (it wasn’t easy), and eventually letting myself heal.

I like to use the word “recovering”, since it suggests an ongoing process. It reminds me that, if I am careless or obstinate, I can always return to that unhealthy ways I had been following — a kind of warning to keep working on myself, not to rest on my laurels. For me, at least, that’s important.

I wish you well.

By: andrena

andrena — Mon, 19 Feb 2007 01:39:20 +0000

whew! I have heard of such toxic congregations and pastors...through classmates of mine who have had terrible internship experiences. Fortunately, I have not personally witnessed it. There have been a few occasions where I hear something that is not kosher, and I usually confront it head on.

As a parishoner, I have been called a trouble-maker, and a big mouth. In fact, the church initially turned me down when I applied in the candidacy process.

Anyway, I am again sorry that you had that experience. To think that the pastor sat there "smirking" while you were being blasted....

unconscionable...

By: Eric

Eric — Thu, 25 Jan 2007 18:40:06 +0000

I had a similar experience in a charismatic church, which experience brought me to a Lutheran one. I too hope that you find a new church home soon, because you will not be able to sustain a true Christian faith apart from the ministry of Word and Sacrament.

I wonder, in your circumstance, do you believe the situation would have been improved if the pastor had begun a formal process of excommunication against you? I think sometimes pastors want to handle things on their own, sort of under the table, and it winds up causes more problems than there would be otherwise — if the conflicts were dealt with on a more formal and collective basis. What do you think? Is there a place in the Church for excommunication? Could it be that entering that sort of process might have led to the removal of an unsuitable pastor?

By: Jeff Roberts

Jeff Roberts — Tue, 23 Jan 2007 11:29:26 +0000

Thanks for stopping by. As others have suggested, I hope you eventually find a church home elsewhere. I’m looking around myself and have already been to one place that I liked quite a bit.

In my case, it was difficult to be in a church where everyone “wings it” and be the type of person who likes to talk things through, plan things out, etc. Asking for details from folks like that was viewed as criticism or “know-it-all-ness” for some reason.

I’m not big on psychobabble, but I recently did a Myers-Briggs personality profile and it shed some light on why the situation was driving me so nuts.

I think I’m just not wired for small church…for me to be part of the “inner circle” and not have high (too-high) expectations of the other leaders is a struggle. I’m looking for someplace a little larger, where I can see that they’re already organized enough that we won’t drive each other crazy And I think I’ll try to do “one thing well” wherever I land and not get spread so thin.

By: sweetswede

sweetswede — Tue, 16 Jan 2007 20:31:41 +0000

Well, I think there are a lot of blog-villagers here, based on Todd mentioning Pastor Jeff's Anti-Itch Meditation blog (which I've visited several times).

Anyway, I agree the Church is not perfect. However I'm a p/k (Pastor's Kid) and I've seen things from a vastly different perspective. I can't really say anything about the Church you left, other then based on what I read you were very justified in leaving.

I can say there are still healthy bodies of Believers out there; and I pray you'll be able to find a good one where you are not in bondage, as you mentioned, because as John 8:36 says "If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed."

God bless!

By: Todd

Todd — Tue, 16 Jan 2007 15:41:42 +0000

I think you'll be surprised that there are alot of good bible churches around. Hopefully you can tie up with good one. I think freeing yourself from any denomination is important. Pastor Jeff over at the Anti-Itch Meditation has all of his sermons on-line now, on the page titled sermon notes, starting a month ago, and we're going through the bible(for three years now), sort of as a church was meant to do IMO. Each week he takes the next chapter, looking at it's importance in the progression of things and then it's important relevance to us now. Feel free to check in, Jeff is a dedicated teacher of the Word.

Every blessing to you in your obvious growing and maturing in Christ.

By: Larry Kamphausen

Larry Kamphausen — Tue, 16 Jan 2007 04:36:45 +0000

Hi found your blog after you visited mine and left a comment.I also have been part of a congregation with similar issues, though I was in college, and it has been several years.
However, since that time I have been part of healthy congregations, not perfect mind you. Even so I often hesitated making commitments to the new communities I joined. Though, I didn’t feel the need to drop away from the church in general as you seem to have felt the need to do, but just moved on to another congregation.
I wish you well in your recovery and hope you have not given up on the church as the body of Christ entirely.

By: Dirty Butter

Dirty Butter — Tue, 16 Jan 2007 01:37:32 +0000

I grew up in what you might call a toxic church. I had the good fortune, however, to be invited by our neighbor to another church of the same denomination, which was much more Christ like in its spirit. Without that change in membership in my teens, I would probably be in your same situation.

PS. I look forward to keeping up with your blog as the admin of BLOG VILLAGE, and I hope you will apply for admission when you have more posts for me to review.