Don’t Waste Time Looking Back
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If you could go back in time to a pivotal point in your young life and give yourself one word/sentence of advice, and know that you would accept the advice, what would it be?
Like most people, there are a number of moments that, if I could, I would go back and relive, applying the knowledge I have today to situations that occurred ten, twenty, thirty or more years ago.
One of those moments would be a chilly winter evening when I was a mere 19 years old.
It took me many years to realize, analyze, and, eventually, appreciate the import of a decision I made that night. Frankly, it did not seem monumental at the time because, like a typical 19-year-old, I lacked the capacity to grasp the seriousness of the moment. I could not have foreseen that so many years later, I would be able to look back and see precisely how my one-word response to a question literally charted the course of my life.
The question, the person who asked it, the circumstances, and the events that unfolded afterward are not germane to the real issue. Yes, I would look back at my naive, inexperienced, 19-year-old self and advise myself to respond differently.
“Make it a rule of life never to regret and never to look back. Regret is an appalling waste of energy; you can’t build on it; it’s only for wallowing in.” (Katherine Mansfield)
“Regret” is defined as “a feeling of disappointment or distress about something that one wishes could be different.” Do I regret the decision I made on that night so many years ago? From time to time, when something reminds me of that situation, I do. But it is a brief, fleeting emotion born out of curiosity about how different my life would be today. I don’t wallow in remorse because that would be a futile waste of energy. I don’t believe in looking back too often or for too long because it is not a productive use of a very precious and scarce commodity: My time.
But I do believe that it is the human condition to wonder from time to time whether, had I chosen differently, I would be living as I am now — in the same location, with the same level of comfort, engaged in the same activities. Would I have enjoyed a successful career? Would I have had children and, if so, what would they be like? Would I still be involved in organized religion today? If so, what religion/church? Most importantly, would I be happy?
I believe in something I do not understand: Predestination. The Divine is the alpha and omega, the beginning and the end, an eternal, unchanging force. So the Divine both knows our past and sees our future, yet we have been given free will. I believe that I truly made a choice on that night so many years ago, but I did so based upon the limited information that was available to me then. I did so with the limited benefit of only having lived 19 years, equipped with the minuscule amount of knowledge I had amassed up to that time about the realities of life: The undeniable power of free will and its consequences.
I believe that I made the decision I was predestined to make as best as I am able to conceptualize and understand that term. I made the decision that the Spirit led me to make because there were precise things I was meant to do, people I was meant to interact with, places I was meant to be at particular times in order for specific opportunities to come my way. I made the best decision I could at that time, in that place, in consideration of the information then available to me. And so, ultimately, I made the right decision.
For me, peace about this chapter of my life, like so many others, is found in the words of Paul:
When I was an infant at my mother’s breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good.
We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!
But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.”
1 Corinthians 13:11-13
The Message
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
predestination vs. free will. Heavy stuff. Great stuff. And beyond your limited ability to understand stuff. I’m so glad that our God is way bigger than we can comprehend, aren’t you?
One thing I caution myself against is falling into a “fatalism” mentality — assuming that whatever happens is what God wants to happen, was “meant to be” because of the doctrine of predestination. Our free will choices are important, do change the course of our lives. Yes, God knoww about it before we make it (and He can “override” our decisions by protecting us from the consequences or by impressing upon our hearts to change our minds), but predestination doesn’t remove from me the requirement to make wise decisions. So I want to be careful that my predestination doctrine doesn’t turn into “what will be will be” fatalism.
One thing for sure…I’m predestined to be conformed to the image of Christ (Praise God) and that He will use all things for good to accomplish that so long as I continue to love and pursue Him. What an adventure!
Sandy
http://www.apprehendinggrace.com
I was quite obsessed with predestination vs freewill in university. I’m glad I’ve just learned to allow God be God. Blessings
sharons last blog post..Do the David thing
“We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!”
I’m loving the message’s take on this piece of scripture. Thanks for including it. I enjoyed reading your thoughts on regret, as well.
Cristines last blog post..Advice to Younger Self: Believe in Him
I enjoyed your thoughts. Not only did you make a right decesion…you made the most important decision of your life.
Lilys last blog post..Cafe Chat
Excellent post. I also agree with you that there’s no point in remorsing for the lost time as it is unproductive and lends no fruitful results instead this may take away your present happiness and zeal!!!
Rakesh Lashkaris last blog post..Sony Ericsson M600i - Dyanamic Business Assistant
A very interesting post - one that I think that I am going to have come back to in order to ponder on it! I said something kinda sorta similiar in one paragraph of my post where I felt that we should live our lives as we have made them and not waste time on regrets, indeed, if you are still unhappy, we DO have the power to change it, but don’t sit and regret and do nothing!
That is the best thing to go on if anyone want to get successful.
Marvin Markss last blog post..“Toe Jam” By The BPA
Thanks for including it. I enjoyed reading your thoughts on regret, as well
If i shall have an option then I want to go back to my college years. I think that is the best era of my life.
Qaswers last blog post..Nancy Ajram up to June News!
Beautiful post. Regret is such a wasted emotion, but one I find myself stuck in sometimes. There is so much value in living in the “now”. It’s such a different philosophy than the one I’ve lived for so long.
Kelly @ Pass the Torchs last blog post..Wisconsin Baby Loons
We should not waste time by looking back but we must look back to learn from it.
What can I say about this post! No words as such. Its absolutely true that there’s no point in regretting and wasting your energy and vitality indeed! “Everything happens for a reason “-So live each moment very lively and with zeal and happiness. Thanks
Perhaps human kind is helpless to do anything against will of nature. I obsessed with the thought but there is nothing we can do. What has gone is gone, that can never come back and it is a cruel reality.
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