Cliques: They’re What’s Wrong With the Christian Blogosphere
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There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven: . . .
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance.
Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4
Knowing this, we are aware that there will be times when our hearts hurt and break. Each of us has experienced that heart break in one form or another. Thinking back on your life, what makes your heart break, and why?
There it is. The elephant in the room. I have decided that it is finally time to acknowledge, name, and discuss it.
One dictionary defines a “clique” as “an exclusive circle of people with a common purpose,” while another describes it this way: “A group of people who are friendly with each other but exclude others.” The word in that sentence that troubles and inspires me to blog is “exclude.” As Christians, we should never exclude other human beings from our presence because they do not believe as we do. To exclude others is to be decidedly un-Christlike.
Other bloggers have invoked different names to discuss the issue, although not specifically in reference to Christian blogs. For instance, Jack of All Blogs wrote about a phenomenon that occurs when one lone voice stands out from a crowd of bloggers who all line up on the same side of a particular issue. He dubbed it the “blogging posse,” noting that blogging often becomes an activity which is “polarizing and tends to tear communities apart. You’re forced to choose a side. Otherwise, it’s ‘if you’re not with us, then you’re against us.’”
Back on January 29, 2007, Rose observed:
[Blogging] has become some popularity contest and you are either with them or you’re the kid in school who never got a Valentine card when the rest of the class did. You’re the kid that never got invited to birthday parties. You’re the loner trying hard to fit in.
I’m not in the in-crowd. Should I care? I’m growing rather tired of trying to impress these bloggers. I am who I am.
Life can be filled with disappointments if we always need to seek the approval of others.
The Internet is, in many ways, no different than and an accurate reflection of real life, especially with regard to social communities and interactions. That’s because the blogosphere is populated by real, live human beings who bring to their blogging activities the same vulnerabilities and flaws that characterize their non-cyber personalities and relationships.
It is human nature to want to feel a part of something, fit in, be accepted. There is nothing inherently wrong with feeling comfortable and validated when in the company, either in real or cyber life, of folks who look, think, act, and believe as you do.
It becomes a problem, however, when those are the only kind of people with whom you associate or welcome to your site. I believe it rises to the level of a “sin” when you purposefully and hurtfully ban or bar other bloggers from participating in an event or activity that you promote as being open to all.
I can’t think of anything more boring and limiting than spending all of my time with people who are just like me because I want to hear, experience and, most importantly, learn something new each and every day. In order to grow, I need to hear different viewpoints expressed by people with divergent backgrounds.
Here in cyberspace, I observe Christian bloggers — primarily women — visiting and leaving comments on each others’ sites which frequently consist of little more than “me, too” or “great post.” When one writer expresses an opinion, it is common to see a string of comments joining in agreement, but true debate is, in my experience, a rarity. Many of the Christian blogs I visit employ comment moderation. When I encounter a blog where the host has decided not to allow comments to be displayed until he/she has personally reviewed and approved them, I always find myself wondering how many dissenting opinions have been obliterated because the commenter did not espouse the Scriptural interpretation favored by the host.
The Christian “blogging posse,” characterized by a real, but unspoken policy of exclusivity is one of the things that makes my heart break.
There is a particular meme in which I have participated pretty regularly for a significant period of time. I even hosted it. When a call went out for hosts, I volunteered to host on a regular basis, but received no response from the administrator. I let some time pass, during which I continued to participate. I inquired again and still did not receive a response. Finally, I decided to reach out one final time. At long last, I heard from the administrator, who explained that she had experienced email difficulties. She assured me that she appreciated my willingness to host, I would be scheduled to do so regularly, and provided me with the upcoming dates that had been assigned to me.
However, she also said this:
Now I also want to be clear that I have no problem with you hosting although I know that a couple of others do. I actually got quite a bit of resistance when you hosted last time but I stood my ground because their reasons why I shouldn’t let you host were, in my opinion, hypocritical and self-righteous and not very Christ-like.
To her credit, she did not reveal who voiced opposition to my serving as a host. But she also did not reveal the basis for their opposition, which was not helpful in allowing me to come to an understanding of the thought-processes of the anonymous protesters.
What was most troubling about this development, however, was the fact that none of the people who protested my participation voiced their feelings directly to me. Instead, I only found out about the behind-the-scenes tug-of-war well after it occurred.
Worse, just a few days later, the administrator decided to transfer ownership of the meme to another blogger. When I visited the new online home of the meme, I was disappointed — but not surprised — to find my name omitted from the list of regular hosts. Nonetheless, I contacted the new administrator and advised that the prior administrator had made a commitment to me that I would be a regular host (which should have been honored by the new administrator, in my opinion), made her aware of dates upon which I was willing to serve, etc.
Her response constitutes what is commonly known as a “brush off:”
Thank you for your help. At this point I have a good rotation group, and did have a previous one before you who said she’d do the [date]. I am trying to keep to maybe 6-8 hostesses as it seems more simple to maintain (as [name of prior administrator] suggested too). I will keep you in mind and let you know.
The meme’s hosts and many of the participants are, sadly, a clique. A club. “An exclusive circle of people with a common purpose.” “A group of people who are friendly with each other but exclude others.” To me, they are nameless and faceless, for the most part, because they have opted not to deal with me directly. For reasons known only to those who are members of the exclusive club in question, which they have chosen not to share with me, my membership application has been rejected. They have decided that it is unnecessary for them to comply with the Bible verse about which many of them have written and with which they espouse agreement:
If a fellow believer hurts you, go and tell him — work it out between the two of you. If he listens, you’ve made a friend. If he won’t listen, take one or two others along so that the presence of witnesses will keep things honest, and try again. If he still won’t listen, tell the church. If he won’t listen to the church, you’ll have to start over from scratch, confront him with the need for repentance, and offer again God’s forgiving love.
Matthew 18:15-17
The Message
Rose was right. Like her, “I’m not in the in-crowd.” Like her, I have spent the past couple of weeks asking myself, “Should I care?” I have concluded that the situation is hurtful and heart-breaking because I enjoyed participating in the meme and looked forward to hosting. But I’ll get over it because, also like her, “I am who I am.” I make no apologies for who I am, what I believe, or the principles by which I live my life. And blog. I consider this just another life experience which provides me an opportunity to learn and grow in my faith.
I wrote recently about the fact that I have been struggling with depression. This situation, candidly, briefly impeded my progress toward full-fledged, renewed health. However, when I discussed it with my doctor, she again reminded me that I should not be surprised. In the blogosphere, as in real life, “You are the one who stands up and says what so many other people won’t say,” she explained. “It is why so many people find you delightful and refreshing, while a certain segment of people despise you, as they do anyone who speaks the truth as they understand it. It is your destiny, your path. Your job is to decide whether it is worth it to change or if you can embrace and love yourself the way you are, knowing the consequences.” It is an ongoing — lifelong, so far, and permanently, I suspect — process.
On the Horizon was born out of my frustration with the institutional church, its patriarchal structure, and oppression of many different groups of people, primarily women. Although I spent many years as a member of and participant in organized religion, I was never in the church’s “in-crowd” nor have I ever expected to be part of or win the popularity contest that characterizes the Christian blogosphere and, more particularly, the female contingent of conservative Christian bloggers.
I welcome all persons to this site. I welcome all opinions. I have never and will never bar or ban anyone from participating in the dialogue here no matter what viewpoint is being espoused so long as it is voiced respectfully, according dignity to those who have a different outlook. I invite dissension and spirited discourse because it challenges me to think about what I believe, why I believe it, and how best to convey my opinions and viewpoints.
I find cliques despicable and un-Christlike — in real and cyber life — because I have been negatively impacted by cliques and “group-think” in real life on more occasions than I care to remember. That’s why I will never deliberately be part of a clique in either my real or on-line life and found myself compelled by the Holy Spirit to write about the topic in order to illuminate the problem and, hopefully, inspire others to acknowledge and confront online cliques when they encounter and are affected by them.
{ 34 comments… read them below or add one }
Thank you for quoting me. I’m sorry that you are going through this. You mentioned……………. “It is why so many people find you delightful and refreshing, while a certain segment of people despise you, as they do anyone who speaks the truth as they understand it.”………….
When you are passionate and stand up for what you believe in there will always be those who despise you.
Now with the ability for people to hide behind anonymity on the internet, it enables them to go to greater lengths no matter how damaging it can be to a person.
Cliques exist in the blogosphere just they did in school or they do in the church.
Be proud of you and ignore those who whop want to bring you down. While there are cliques in the blogophere there are also individuals like you who are phenomenal.
Roses last blog post..Bacon Print Tuxedo- Bacon Products
Funny thing about the Internet - it’s still the same people with the same humanity online as offline. Cliques are part of that. So are a lot of other things. The virtual world is the real world.
David Leonhardt Happinesss last blog post..Sleep your way to happiness
I ceased to be a Christian a long time ago. I found that the majority of “Christians” are the kind of people you describe here: catty, ignorant, and backstabbing.
It’s not just Christians, it’s the world. I just realized that people are people and not even followers of “The Savior” can be exempt from it.
I’m glad to see that some people, like yourself, are actually good people that strive to include even those that might be considered “sinners” in the other Christian’s eyes.
You are Christ-like, they are akin to Pharisees.
Cliques are sadly a part of life everywhere. People tend to stick with what they know since it makes them feel safe and secure. But being brave and stepping themselves out of that mold can bring them so much they never knew existed.
The virtual world is the real world… Cliques are just a part of life but if you are going to call yourself a Christian, you should live up to what you are claiming you stand for. I totally agree with you.
I really kind decide which side of the fence I fall on re the cyber bullying. Part of me wants to laugh because the concept is so stupid but the other feels compassion. How about you guys?
Dan
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Visit my blog: UK Student News and Events
Daniel Joness last blog post..How to Study English 7 Tips and Ideas
I believe that Christian rhetoric is in the same way exclusive. Our won language keeps the rest of the world out and ourselves aloof. Sad.
I, too, have been suffering from some depression. Trying to work through it. I found myself wanting to be alone and not with my Christian friends. I did not want to hear that I was not closed enough to God or than I must have some sin in my life causing my situation. Sad!!
given55s last blog post..Memories
Wow! What a great blog post. You’ve said a lot of important things that need to be heard. Let me add me two cents to it.
First, this isn’t just the Christian Blogosphere. I am a political activist and find the same thing happens in the political blogosphere.
I always suggest that if you want to bring people to your view point, you need to go out to where others are. Political bloggers, and I guess perhaps, Christian bloggers, are a little too concerned with their own cliques than with reaching out to others to have a discussion which can help change people’s minds and opinions.
As to depression, I too, have struggled at times with depression. In my case, much of it was tied to a specific situation I ended up in. It took years to clear up, but right now, I’m doing okay. However, during my darkest moments, the thing that I hated most were people who had no understanding of depression and admonished me to simply cheer up. Oh, would that it were so simple.
I’d also note, as others have, that this doesn’t just happen online. I remember good brothers or sisters in Christ coming up to me and telling me, “The Lord told me to tell you…” Don’t you love it when people start off their recommendations that way?
Finally, I came upon a reply that was very helpful. I would simply say, “Wow, that’s great. Go pray that the Lord will tell me something similar.”
Enough for now. Be well. Peace. My prayers are with you.
aldon @ orient lodges last blog post..The end of the first half of 2008
I, too, have felt frustration with the Christian blogosphere, Hopeful Spirit. I don’t feel like I fit in too well either, but I can’t say I’ve felt excluded. My frustration comes with people saying the same things. I’ve often wondered if they’re being completely honest or just saying what they think they “should”.
But we need to be careful in pointing fingers too. When you accuse the “Christian blogosphere” of being clique-y as a whole, you include me, don’t you? Do you consider yourself a part of it too? Aren’t blanket generalizations unfair? I know exactly what you’re talking about and I applaud your courage in bringing it up, but doesn’t it only alienate you from them more?
Just do your thing, girl. Why barge into the “in crowd” when you’ve got your own thing going on already? I agree you are a refreshing presence. I always appreciate your honesty and courage. Because of that, let me swallow really hard, employ your same honesty and courage, and tell you this–I can see why some may shy away from you. In your inclusivity you accept things they do not believe in, things they do not want to be identified with. I think that is why you are excluded. I know that is why I took you off my blogroll.
That is really had to say and I hope you aren’t offended. I do appreciate you and your viewpoints. I don’t always agree, but I often wish you’d publish your own thoughts more often because you always make me think. That is what this blogging deal is supposed to be about, isn’t it?
I don’t mean to discourage you, Hopeful Spirit. You ARE a refreshing voice. I’m just trying to be real with you. May God give us all wisdom to know how He has uniquely called us.
Tami Boesigers last blog post..Finding the Right Mark
Your heartfelt, insightful post has touched me as it has these other commenters. My guess is that you have hit the nail on the head for many former “Christians.” I will be visiting your blog again to see how you are faring.
Patricias last blog post..The World’s Worst Photographer
Tami: The problem with writing is that language is somewhat limiting and it is hard to write sans generalizations unless you point fingers which I did not want to do. That’s why I did not use the names that are known to me — I’m not interested in bringing unwanted attention to anyone nor am I spoiling for a fight. So that leaves me with saying “blogosphere” as a generalized principle. It is impossible to be more alienated from a person or group of persons than being locked out of the proverbial clubhouse. So I find your question curious. Furthermore, why would I care, at this point? Until one or more of the people involved comes forward, and complies with the Biblical principle they blog about by confronting me directly and airing their apparent grievances with me, there can be no reconciliation. So it’s not like I have anything to lose by being honest here.Since I adore you and you know that, I am going to be as honest with you as you always are with me: Yes, I am disappointed to hear that you removed me from your blogroll. Yes, I am offended, frankly, and hurt. And I have to wonder why you did that . . .
You say that you don’t always agree with me. So did you remove the link to avoid being associated with me because I expressed something you didn’t agree with? If so, why did you deem that action appropriate and/or necessary? Was it to be accepted by others? Was it because you were afraid others might link the two of us in their minds and assume that you espouse the same viewpoints I do, thereby subjecting you to the possibility of being rejected by those people? But you protest the idea that you might be part of my generalization. Interesting conundrum, isn’t it?Thanks for stopping by and leaving a thought-provoking comment, as always.
Crap. I’ve done it again, hurt someone I genuinely like by being too “honest”.
I wasn’t going to tell you I took you off my blogroll, but thought I shouldn’t give reasons for other people, and have the guts to come out and say it for myself. I took you off not because of anything you say in your posts. You know I find you challenging and I’m all about encouraging people to think. What I objected to were your links to things I didn’t agree with and frankly that would be offensive to my readers. For instance, the link to the Dan and Jennifer (?I can’t remember her name exactly) sex blog. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not against sex (personally, I happen to love it), but their casual approach to it was somewhat shocking and something I did not want to subject my readers to. You also had a link to a wiccan and I did not want to expose my readers to that either. I feel a responsibility to them. You know as well as I do that not all people think critically for themselves. If one of my readers, who trusts my judgment, would come over to your site and fall into a wiccan site I would be guilty of causing one of God’s children to fall. I couldn’t do that. If that is having double standards or wanting to feel accepted, then call me guilty.
I don’t mind be associated with YOU. I enjoy our occasional thoughtful discussions. I am fascinated by the way you think and honestly, your encouragement of my writing has meant more to me than you’ll ever know, especially so since I know you don’t always agree with me either. My problem was that your links were a little too much for me.
As I look over your site today, the links I found offensive do not appear, so I guess I’m also guilty of not checking your site often enough.
Sigh. I am truly sorry for the hurt I’ve caused you. I hope you’ll believe me.
Tami:
Don’t give it another thought. I’m already over it.
I appreciate your forthright response and honest explanation.
Once again, we will have to agree to disagree, though.
I am not responsible for anyone else’s choices nor their eternal salvation. Accordingly, if I allow a Wiccan to advertise on my site — which I have done and will do again, but I do not have any Wiccan links in my blogroll — I am not necessarily endorsing the content on their site, nor am I responsible if someone goes to that site, gets interested in what they are teaching and begins practicing that faith. On the contrary, I would rather educate readers by allowing the advertisement and the free flow of information so that visitors can make up their own minds than try to hide the information from my visitors, treating them like small children incapable of rational thought.
As for Dan and Jennifer, I don’t have a problem with the content on their site. Again, people must make their own decisions about sexuality and I believe Dan and Jennifer provide a service by offering straight-forward information. I only removed the link to their site because they dropped out of a group to which I belong. I also removed the links of some other sites that dropped out. My removal of the links has nothing to do with my endorsement or lack thereof of the content of those particular sites.
Once again, you have inspired me to write, though. For that, I thank you.
Check back for more posts on the topics we have been discussing.
Are we destined to always agree to disagree, my friend? Thank you for teaching me it is possible and for your gracious spirit. Rest assured, I will keep reading. You have my respect.
Tami Boesigers last blog post..Finding the Right Mark
Well I learnt to see me own values so it doesn’t hurt me, but if somebody publishes in the internet, he or she should allow free speech, as long as netiquette is heeded.
rainers last blog post..Positive attracts positive?
I agree with your post. What most people like me see is that if I don’t parade my faith I am not worthy. I am a born again Christian, have been for years. I know first hand the preaching and exclusion is what turns off most non-believers. I have gone to blogs who because I don’t have scripture on mine think I am unworthy. Sad really when you think how cold that pedestal they sit on.
Hi! I found this post via BlogHer and read it and the comments with interest.
I recently decided to moderate the comments on my site, because people were sharing very tender, raw stories and I didn’t wanted to protect that story telling space from overly strident voices. That being said, I haven’t had to exclude any comments (except one which was a mutual agreement). I’m really proud of my readers for creating a safe place!
I often wonder if part of the problem amongst Christians is that our langauge is often one of debate rather than dialogue. Our first response is to defend, and too often it shuts down a more fruitful kind of interacton. Several years after leaving the institutional church, I’m still trying to turn down my inner-critic and turn-up my active listener. It takes a long time to soften the debative edge!
Does anyone else have any thoughts on the idea of debate, dialogue and how those two appraoches effect conversations? I’d be interested in hearing your thoughts…
Rachelle Mee-Chapmans last blog post..A Possibly Offensive Post About Rats
So nice to find another independent Christian thinker. I haven’t been hurt in this way, but it’s because I don’t actually participate or interact with other bloggers for the very reasons you state. I already know my views go against the grain of traditional Christians by interacting with my family. We must keep plugging away, or blogging away, hoping to get through to those who believe what their parents told them or what their pastor taught them. There is so much more! God bless!
Sandra aka blogladys last blog post..A Bright Future
Yes very often we come across to those blogs who approve the comments only if the commentor belongs to their network. This is indeed bias and a sin in a stricter sense. Every human being does get hurts some day or other day indeed! Most people for this particular reason don’t participate or interact with other bloggers.Thanks a lot for putting forward this reality.
Thanks for the post. There is a lot to learn here especially about exclusion and the Christian attitude. I enjoyed the read.
We say we love the Lord who hung out with the prostitutes and lepers and tax men, yet we are intolerant of the slightest deviation in opinion. Jesus taught us compassion and hospitality always and everywhere, even on the cross. Those who practice elitism and call it Christianity are quite mistaken–but beloved and always welcome on my blog!
I have wondered why so many Christians use comment moderation. It seems to me to be strange and dishonest. I have used it once and only briefly because a mean and negative person was poisoning the well. When he mended his ways, I opened the forum back up.
Jesus was and is so much bigger than the corporate PR guy so many Christians reduce him to. I applaud your courage and openness. You are indeed a hopeful spirit!
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Stopping by t o wish you a very happy BYB Sunday and an even greater week ahead.
NeoBluePanthers last blog post..BYBS : Good Health
The first thing I noticed is that I like what you have to say. I am so tired of those Christians who are pew sitters who dress to the nines on Sunday but do not live their faith through the week. These are those who go into cliques and call “gathering together in the name of the Lord.” No it isn’t. It’s really just called that clique.
Now, I admit that I am just as bad as some others about living my faith. BUT I at least am honest about it. My blog shows my failings because I am human and seeking just like everyone else. And I am not now nor have I ever been one of the popular kids. At this point in time, who cares. I love my Lord and I say so. That’s me. And if it’s controversial, oh well.
The one thing that could mar that image is something you said about moderating my blog comments. I was doing that because there was a person who was putting in curse words and calling people nasty names. It was not to block out controversial people. I love controversial people since they ask more questions than the so-called “main line” Christians. The trouble with those Christians is that they often do not believe anyone else can teach them anything. Know what I mean? I bet you do.
I’ll get down from my soapbox now and go back to the little corner of the world that I manage…my blog. LOL! Thanks for giving me a chance to say what I had to say. Also, thanks for the “subscribe to comments”. Sometimes that’s the only way I can get back to a blog I commented on.
Howdy from Texas. (I’m an import from other states). I, too, know what it is like to not be one of the ‘popular’ ones. Now, I figure that it’s OK as long as no one runs away screaming.I’ve probably come close sometimes. I have a blog and do moderate the comments. As long as no one is abusive or spamming my site they are allowed to speak their piece. I love The Lord, and have known Him since 1975. I’ve messed up at times; but know He forgives. Too bad that people sometimes hold grudges. That’s why we have to work every day to get closer to Him. I’ve tried to avoid cliques (having been avoided myself), hopefully I’ve succeeded. You are right in that Jesus went out amongst the unsaved or as the Pharisees called them - the sinners - as if THEY were perfect. Jesus did say that the sick were the ones in need of a physician, though, didn’t He? How can we as Christians pass on the healing that we received if we do not share the ‘medicine’ with those who need it? Other than sharing the love that God has shared with His Son our othr concern should only be that we continue to heal within our selves, too. Our healing is an everyday thing until He takes us home. All I can say is to keep sharing, loving, feeling compassion, and understanding.http://www.hopefulspirit.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_biggrin.gif
I am not now nor have I ever been one of the popular kids. At this point in time, who cares. I love my Lord and I say so. That’s me. And if it’s controversial.
Excuse me, but the previous commenter simply copied something I said I suspect to get a link on here. Just wanted you to know that.
Oh, Hopeful Spirit, somehow I could feel that you have been in pain. I am sorry for that. All of my life I have been affected by group thinking and cliques. I never have been able to jump on the bandwagon…and honestly, it is just fine with me. Life gets a bit lonely sometimes but I am bored with group think even more.
I have comment moderation because the fellow who hosts my site set it up that way to avoid spam. I’ve just never asked him to change that.
I appreciate your site and I appreciate your honest, heart searching and sincere outlook on things. All of us know so little and it is in our searching that we are able to find truth. To broaden ourselves a little and leave so much of the pettiness behind would give us a greater opportunity for compassion and acceptance for all of life and all living beings. Chin up, my friend. You are in my heart!
Viola Jayness last blog post..Born Free
Big post.Takes a lot of time to read.Thanks for the cool one.
The post is looking cool but what you want to say the moral is not clear.
Great post. I am a Mormon, and we are often criticized for the same thing. Christ taught that we were to love the person, and not the sin. We all have sins, and that shouldn’t be cause to exclude someone from coming into the fold. Weren’t we told to “let our light so shine?” I appreciate this post, and hope we all take it to heart. Only God knows what someone is experiencing, and how difficult it can be for someone.
Nite.
Justin
Justins last blog post..Grammar Tips: Basic Sentence Structure
David Leonhardt, I am agreed with your because this virtual world is another face of our real life. We can express, we express everything hidden in our inner self. A blog can represents its owner or blogger. My blog has very delighted posts when I am happy, it has very sad posts otherwise.
Violins last blog post..Jagjit Singh’s Hoton Se Choo Lo Tum
nice post…..lot to learn on christian thoughts….
Honestly i don’t care what race, religion or otherwise people are i just love reading cool and interesting stories by interesting people. I absorb the information and stories regardless. I especially like “ramblings” about the bloggers day, even if it’s just normal everyday things.. It just seems to add normality to my life also.
Keep up the good work, Tony.
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