You Mean it’s Not All About Me?

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The catchphrase “It’s not about me” has become quite popular in our current world today. What does that phrase mean to you in your personal life? Explain.

But it is all about me!

That’s what I jokingly tell my boss, anyway. She is extremely busy and pulled in many different directions, so it is not unusual for a few days to pass during which we don’t interact except, perhaps, via email. We sometimes pass each other in the hallway and I’ll remind her that I am waiting for an answer or direction about a particular issue. She promises to meet with or email me and, eventually, we sit down and talk about all pending issues. We have a running joke about her availability, though. When we finally meet, I always remind her that she is forgetting the most important rule in our workplace: “It is all about me, you know. You keep forgetting that! Me, me, me, me, me! You are supposed to pay attention to me! All of that other stuff is unimportant in relationship to me!” She laughs, gives me a faux apology, and then we move on to business.

It is human nature to give priority to our own needs, wants, desires, problems, goals, and, most importantly, feelings. In fact, it is what American pop culture urges us to do.

I will never forget the day that I heard Whitney Houston’s hit recording, “The Greatest Love of All,” for the first time. In the realm of foreign relations, it would be called an isolationist policy. I call it “The Atheist’s Anthem.” Consider the lyrics:

Everybody’s searching for a hero
People need someone to look up to
I never found anyone who fulfilled my needs
A lonely place to be
And so I learned to depend on me

I found the greatest love of all
Inside of me
The greatest love of all
Is easy to achieve
Learning to love yourself
It is the greatest love of all

Jesus’ instructions on dealing with our fellow human beings was characteristically direct and unequivocal. We’ve all heard the verse countless times: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” The Message, my favorite Biblical translation, relates his teaching this way:

“You’re familiar with the old written law, ‘Love your friend,’ and its unwritten companion, ‘Hate your enemy.’ I’m challenging that. I’m telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives his best—the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty. If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that.

“In a word, what I’m saying is, Grow up. You’re kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you.”

Matthew 5:43-48

“The Greatest Love of All” is described eloquently, but concisely, right there in the book of Matthew: We are to love our enemies by giving them the best we have to offer. We are not commanded to live lives of isolation, focused upon ourselves. Rather, we are to reach out to our communities with “energies of prayer” — isn’t that a great phrase? — living “generously and graciously toward others.” We are to put our energy not into achieving what we want, acquiring what we need, bringing glory and recognition to our achievements. Rather, we are to focus the spotlight upon others.

That we are to reach out to and interact with others in a tangible way, rather than just passively prayer for them from a distance, is confirmed by his explanation. It is not enough to simply love the unlovable from afar, as it made clear by his challenge. I believe that to fully understand the passage cited, the last two sentences must be read within the overarching context of Christianity.

How does the Divine Creator “live[] toward you?” By reaching out and extending the gift of grace — unconditional, undeserved, unyielding, unwavering love exemplified by forgiveness and eternal life. Our “God-created identity” is the fact that we were not only formed in the image of the Divine Creator, but has been rescued from death not through our own action or inherent worthiness, but through love.

So we can only live out our lives as “kingdom subjects” by mirroring that behavior in our own daily lives through our interactions with others. That means that “The Greatest Love of All” is not achieved by “learning to love yourself.” On the contrary, it is achieved by learning to love our neighbors — just as Jesus instructed — and exhibiting the same kind of unconditional, undeserved, unyielding, unwavering love to them that the Divine Creator has graciously bestowed upon us. It means that when there is a choice to be made because not everyone’s needs can be met, we put the needs of others ahead of our own. We make sure that those around us are taken care of before we turn our attention to ourselves. It means that, like Jesus, we sacrifice and subordinate our own ego to assure that others achieve their goals and receive recognition for their accomplishments.

Did someone tell you that it would be easy? If so, they lied. The songwriter is wrong. It’s not hard to learn to love yourself. That’s human nature. That’s the temptation to which we succumb regularly without even realizing we are doing it.

So, as it turns out, “it’s not about me” at all.

Back to my relationship with my boss. “It’s all about me” is a running joke between us because I try very hard not to demand her time and attention. I prefer to just work quietly and unobtrusively, off the radar of those whose names appear above mine on the organizational chart. I strive to resolve all issues at the lowest possible level — mine — and not elevate them to her unless it becomes absolutely necessary. Even when forced to do so, I generally apologize profusely for doing so because I appreciate that, like me, she will never check off that last item on her “to do” list. So I am loathe to be responsible for one more item being appended to that list that will require her time and energy. Having been a supervisor in several different organizations and job classifications, I understand the challenges she faces. For that reason, I have chosen to reduce the stress in my life by not pursuing a place on the management team and am happy with that decision.

That’s one example of what the phrase “it’s all about me” means in my personal life. What does it mean in yours?

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